i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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