Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
