she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
