i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
