I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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