oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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