I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
