I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
