So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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