I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.