i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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