You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
