Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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