I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said her name was "party"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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