im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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