Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
