mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
