I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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