my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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