i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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