he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
