Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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