He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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