I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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