if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
