I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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