.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
