i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
