What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
