While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
