Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
