I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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