No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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