My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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