Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
