Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
