My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
