would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
