Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
