We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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