my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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