Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize