Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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