I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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