puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
