Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
