he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
