peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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