Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis