So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.