I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just pee around me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba