Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.