hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My liver just had a heart attack.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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