1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
