so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Michael Bay diarrhea
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
