U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
