What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Text me some of your sweat
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
