I wish my penis had an off switch
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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