If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
