Your face is a jimmy john
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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