it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
