How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
