he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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