Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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