i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
